December 23, tomorrow is my birthday. I have always loved my birthday and felt everyone else should love it too. My maternal grandfather, my grandaddy (whom I wrote about here) had his birthday a week before mine on December 16. He was my birthday buddy. This infatuation with my birthday may have to do with being a middle child or maybe it's the Hanukkah/Christmas syndrome of getting lost in the shuffle. Or maybe I just like my birthday, ok?
This will be my 46th birthday. I am now on the upper side of 40, closer to 50 than 40. I feel good, I'm okay with my age and feel as though I am in a very good place.
I have been ruminating on some subjects lately so I thought, in honor of my birthday (see how much I love it, I've already mentioned it a million times), I would share these thoughts.
While watching the miniseries the Red Tent (don't bother), there was a love scene where oral sex was performed on a woman. Suddenly, I realized that this is now commonplace on tv. A woman receiving oral sex is almost a standard of sex scenes. Now mind you this was Lifetime, so it was definitely more than I was expecting. Did I mention I was watching it with my 13 year old daughter? I must add here because she would if she were writing this she would make me, that yes, I let her watch Ted but only if I watched it with her. That evens itself out, right? Ok, I also let her watch Outlander which includes oral sex scenes, gender balanced since both main characters are on the receiving end. But that was on Starz and this was on Lifetime. In the same scene, you see the man on top, they are obviously naked and doing it (that is the scientific term) and his butt is modestly draped. So far, so good. But then he starts to move as if he is actually having sex with her. Lifetime, really? He had a hot body so throw us a bone (ha ha, excuse the pun) and show his butt, I mean what difference does it make at this point?
My God, next thing you know Linus will be going down on Sally and you know what? She's gonna fucking enjoy it. In fact, she is going to initiate it. Go Girl!
Everyone always gets embarrassed when I bring this up but when I was initially reading up on the HPV vaccine, I saw an article that said you should get the vaccine for your sons as well as your daughters. Why? Because women these days are much more voluble about their sexual needs and so men, in consequence are going downtown more. Since it is now part of pop culture, it must be a thing.
Which brings me to my next subject, rimming. or as Nicki Minaj would say "he tossed my salad like his name's Romaine". If you don't know what this is, let me enlighten you. It's running your tongue around someone's asshole. Apparently that's a thing as celebrities have posted their support of it on instagram. And of course, it's a trend on television shows. No more delegated to the bedroom of gay men, even a DJ got a "rim job" as it's called, in exchange for concert tickets and a large dose of E Coli.
My 13 year old daughter can rap that Nicki Minaj song like its nobody's business. Just like she and her sister used to sing the head round when you go down song when they were not so far out of diapers. Maybe that is where it all started with that song. I've been told, again by my 13 year old daughter that she knows songs with much more explicit lyrics.
I try and have open and honest conversations with my children about sex. Some people might say too open and honest. But I don't think we have a choice anymore. You either explain it all correctly and in a real context (as opposed to one they will, no doubt, see on tv) or let them be taught how it goes by their friends and the entertainment industry. I have told them all that sex is better in a committed relationship, that women too deserve and desire pleasure and that they need to be smart and safe. Yes, my son knows that no means no and I warn my daughters about putting themselves in iffy situations. We've told them that we don't care if they're gay as long as they're happy.
Only the future will know if I've ruined them or saved them. But as the old joke about the guy who dies of a heart attack during sex goes "at least he died happy."